Beauty is only skin-deep.

pris hcanoe 0506
hc05s63


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memories. September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 May 2007 June 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 April 2008 January 2009

Saturday, October 29, 2005
4:39 PM

had trg frm 9.30 to like 2 plus today..
sigh. oops. no sigh. cannot sigh!!

took k1 todae n before goin down water i was super super stressed subconsciously.
i have no idea why. but i felt like choking when haoxia was talking abt the technical stuff.
kept thinking abt what would happen later in the water.. how i would expectedly tilt to the left. how i would capsize n struggle in the water helplessly, how haoxia would be shouting at me n telling me to watch my direction.

if all these things can be done based on the extent of my desire, i would have done it!! i would i would i would!! i really really really really x infinity want to paddle properly :'( :'( :'( i know what to do!! i know exactly what to do.. but i cant do it!
its so hard!! so hard so hard so hard to control what im doing!! felt so helpless, so disgusted with my weaknesses, so sick n tired of being demoralised. :(

yup. so basically i cried at the plontoon. i was afraid, afraid of letting myself down, afraid of making the team to pushups cos we're so sick of it alr. n i was afraid that haoxia would give up on me thanks to my lousy performance. sigh.

but good old haoxia didn't! aha. breathes a sigh of relief. he told me to relax n said it was a learning process. everybody caps when they go down! ( well except for huiwen -.- who seems to be having a pretty good time on a k1 -.-) n then he followed me around for a long time. long enough for me to cap 3 times! hahas. felt so apologetic cos he had to save me all the time n then follow me ard n then shout at me again n again n still see no improvement in me.sigh. felt so useless.

yup. but u know what?! this is just the beginning! aha. k1 watch out! i'll subdue u sooner or later!!
its just a matter of giving myself a chance n moving on instead of stopping cos you won't know what u can do unless u try right? yupp. all the way!!
don't stop no matter what happens!! :D

jiayou to all my demoralised n agonised teamates! have faith in urselves! :)

bring me back to my memories.

go on, say what u want.
RIGHTHERE.